Today was my last afternoon activity with the residents at the Special Care Assisted Living Facility where my mom lives.  We moved there September of last year.  Over the months, I have enjoyed getting to know the residents as they all gather in one big community room throughout the day.

At first, my purpose in knowing everyone was to help my mom feel a part of the group and become acquainted with her new “neighbors”.  As time went on, however, I began to look forward to my visits not only with my mom, but with my new friends as well.  After I spent some one on one time with my mom in her room or outside, we would move into the common area and visit with anyone who was interested.  One day mom and I sat at one of the round dining tables when soon everyone who could squeeze around the table was present.  We began to roll a small rubber ball back and forth between us.  After we got the hang of that, we added spontaneous singing. As elementary as this may seem, we all enjoyed the challenge of keeping the ball on the table and the familiar songs. This became a regular occurrence. It kept the residents engaged until suppertime and boosted everyone’s spirits.

Sometimes we connected a speaker to my smartphone and played music from their era and took any requests that came up.  It was like sitting around the record player and listening to all our favorite music.  To look around the table at the smiles and broken sentences was pure joy. From my favorite singing partner who could harmonize with and follow anything I sang, to my tall friend who could play the harmonica and my dear little friend who could only see shadows and hear when I spoke loudly into her ear, I will always remember you with great fondness.

Some of those folks have already passed to their eternal destiny.  I was privileged to have been at the bedside of several of my new friends as they began their approach to their new life in heaven.  The families also became very precious to me, along with many of the staff members of the facility.

Now we must move to a higher level of care as my mom’s abilities have declined.  As difficult as it is to leave our friends at this place, I know the next place offers new friends and unknown possibilities.

Good-bye, Brookside.   I’ll always cherish the time spent with you and expect one day, “in the sweet by and by, we shall meet on that beautiful shore.”

When nothing else seems to capture the interest of my mom or her fellow residents, I break out in joyful singing.  Even the men join in when I sing one they know.  With the help of a smartphone, the choices are endless, especially if there are requests.

The favorites are as follows:

“I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”

“She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain”

“Yankee Doodle”

“Dixie Land”

“This Land is Your Land”

“Bicycle Built For Two”

“You Are My Sunshine”

“Star Spangled Banner”

“God Bless America”

“America”

“Grand Old Flag”

“Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory”

“Taps”

To add to the enjoyment of this activity, we often are sitting around a round table and roll a ball back and forth between us while we sing.

Try these tips to prevent wandering out of the house by your loved one.

1. If there is a securely locked high fence around the whole perimeter of the property, let your loved one go outside, in good weather.  Go outside with them.
2. If there is no secure fence or there is other danger to allowing them to go outside at will, try these approaches:
   1. Remove from site triggers that would make the loved one or person with dementia think of going out, such as coats, umbrellas, shoes, purse, etc…
   2. Tell your loved one or person with dementia frequently where they are and why, in a calm tone of voice. Reassure them with words like, “XXX will return in an hour to be with you” or “Your family knows where you are”.
   3. Don’t confront or argue with the person, walk with them and redirect to another part of the house or to an activity. Use humor if possible.
   4. Purchase childproof doorknob covers, or deadbolts to put on the door above the loved one or person with dementia’s eye level, or slide bolts on the top or bottom of the door. These items will never be used when the loved one or person with dementia is alone in the home, only when someone is with them.
   5. If you don’t want to do any of the above, place warning bells above the outside doors, or activate the house alarm system, or get a monitor that goes on the loved one or person with dementia (such as a toddler monitor) or a pressure mat alarm, so at least you know when your loved one or person with dementia has left the house.
   6.  Try putting a full-length mirror on the inside face of the outside door. Sometimes people don’t recognize themselves and think someone is standing there and turn around and go back.
   7. Try putting a black throw rug in front of the outside door. To some people, it looks like a hole in the floor and that they won’t attempt to cross it.
   8. You might try to hide the outside door by putting a curtain in front of it, or maybe by making sure it is the same color as the surrounding walls, that way it may not be seen by the loved one or person with dementia.
   9. Put a big sign on the outside door saying “Stop” or “Do Not Enter” or “Danger- Do not Open”.
   10. Sew ID labels in the loved one or person with dementia’s clothes, or get a special Medic alert bracelet for the loved one or person with dementia, if they have a history of escaping the house. Also they need to have a current picture and a piece of unwashed clothes (for tracking dogs) handy to give to the police, in case the loved one or person with dementia does escape.
   11. If the loved one or person with dementia escapes while you are in the bathroom , grab your cell phone, and run out side, look around the whole block the house is on. Cover the whole block, if not found, call 911 and tell them that a person with dementia has escaped the house and is lost. Try to convince them that this person needs to be found immediately, they need their medicines badly.
   12. If the loved one or person with dementia doesn’t recognize his or her home as where they live, they may want to leave to go “Home”. They may be thinking of a home they lived in previously, such as in their childhood. Instead of telling them that this is their home, talk about the home they are thinking of. Reminiscing about it sometimes lessens their urge to leave.
   13. If they still want to go “home” tell them you will walk with them, and take a walk with them or tell them that you will drive them there, and take them out for a drive. It may help if you stop to get a treat, an ice cream cone, or snack. They probably will have forgotten about the other home by the time you get back, and may even recognize where they live now as home.

By Carole Larkin  MA, CMC, CAEd, DCP, QDCS, EICS is an expert in Alzheimer’s and related Dementias care. She has a Master’s of Applied Gerontology from the University of North Texas, is a Certified Alzheimer’s Educator, is a Dementia Care Practitioner, is a Qualified Dementia Care Specialist, and an Excellence in Care Specialist at the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America, as well as a Certified Trainer/Facilitator of the groundbreaking dementia care training tool, the Virtual Dementia Tour Experience She is a Certified Geriatric Care Manager who specializes in helping families with Alzheimer’s and related dementias issues. She consults with families telephonically nationwide on problems related to the Dementias. Her company, ThirdAge Services LLC, is located in Dallas, TX, and her website is www.thirdageservices.com.

1.  Get a copy of any legal documents you sign.  Read it first!

2.  Make a copy of prescription orders that you entrust to someone else.

3.  Never give up – contend for what you need.

4.  Ask for a copy of medical reports or lab results to be mailed to you before you leave the doctor’s office.

5.  Buy a Pre Need Funeral Arrangement for the one you care for and yourself.

6.  Put all important papers in one notebook for easy access and conveyance.

7.  For a free Power of Attorney and Advanced Directive and other free legal services,  contact Alec Brown of Davis and Neal at 251-434-6848.

“Learning to Speak Alzheimer’s” by Joanne Koenig Coste

“Dancing with Rose” by Laura Kessler

“My Mom has Alzheimer’s”  by Linda A. Born

“The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care” by Virginia Bell & David Troxel

“You Say Goodbye and We Say Hello, The Montessori Method for Positive Dementia Care” by Tom and Karen Brenner

“Contented Dementia” by Oliver James

“Still Alice” by Lisa Genova

“A Pocket Guide for the Alzheimer’s Caregiver” by Daniel C. Potts, M.D. and Ellen Woodward Potts

“Dementia Caregiver Guide” by Teepa Snow, MS, OTR/L, FAOTA

“I Remember Better When I Paint” by Berna G. Huebner, Editor