Don’t wait…Start making preparations now.  Linda Collins of the American Red Cross and Laura Harrington, Manager of the Roberts Center will together present this seasonal topic at the June 8, 2017 Educational Dementia Support Group at 10:00 AM at the E.A.Roberts Center, 169 Mobile Infirmary Blvd, Mobile, AL  36607.

Complimentary care will be provided during the meeting.  Please call 435-6950 for more information.

I recently read a book that was recommended by dementia blogger, Kate Swaffer, entitled, “Flourish, A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-Being” by Martin E. P. Seligman. It contains a chart of Active and Constructive Responding compared with other ways of responding that I took into consideration.

 There have been times that I have felt like a ghost, alone and disconnected from the other people that are present at the nursing home where my mother lives. I realized as I left the nursing home today that I had used “Active Listening and Responding” with the various people I had encountered. As a result, right now I feel more alive and present than usual after making my daily visit to the nursing home. Nothing out of the ordinary today, except I had engaging conversations with most everyone I met.

First, the receptionist commented on my outfit that I was wearing. I responded back by telling her where I had bought it. She then told me about her recent vacation and all the shopping she had done at some outlet stores. We continued with a few more details, I mailed my letter at her desk and thanked her for the compliment, signed in and went on my way.

I found Momma in her wheelchair in the empty day room, seemingly asleep. I had brought in some lemon meringue pudding for Momma to try. Although she had her eyes closed and was not responding, as soon as the spoon full of sweet pudding was by her lips, she opened her mouth and invited the sweet softness in. I got some ice water from the nearby kitchen to help wash down the sticky goodness and proceeded to feed her the entire portion.

Her CNA came by and announced she was going to lay Momma down so I told I would bring Momma to the room as soon as she had finished eating. When we arrived there, the CNA was selecting a gown from the chest of drawers. I noticed she looked at several, unfolding and inspecting, then folding and replacing. Finally, she chose one. I asked her if she had found one she liked. She laughed and said she couldn’t find the one she was looking for. I asked her if it was the peach colored one and she laughed with a “yes.” I said it was my favorite one, too. She commented it must be in the laundry. I agreed and hoped it would find it’s way back to the room.

While she got busy with Momma, I went across the hall to check on my Aunt Jamie.

Jamie had her eyes open and watched me approach her bed. I stroked her cheek and drew my face close to hers with a big smile. She smiled back. I told her she was beautiful and that I loved her. I nestled her soft stuffed twiddlecat against her check. She snuggled back. I asked if she would like something good to drink. With a promise of being right back, I left the room in search of an empty cup, spoon, cranberry juice and a packet of thickener. I stirred my concoction upon my quick return. Pressing the controls for the bed, I raised her head up and adjusted her pillow for the best position to receive the drink. I went back to Momma’s room and got a soft hand towel, then placed it under Jamie’s neck and on her chest to catch any drips and spills.

I lowered the rail on the side of the bed and pulled my chair up close by her head while she watched with interest. I turned on my Spotify music of cello and piano, turned on my Flip speaker to set the mood and gazed lovingly into my dear aunt’s eyes. She retuned the gaze and opened her mouth. She enjoyed one spoonful at a time, swallowing without hurry, looking out the window, over at the tv, then back to my smiling face. I studied her eyes, her widows peak, and wondered about the two hairline scars near her nose. We went on like that until she closed her eyes, signaling she’d had enough, so I took the towel into the bathroom and rinsed it with hot water. I returned to wipe all residue from her face and neck, before raising the side rail to it’s original position.

Just then the CNA arriving for the next shift came in. I commented on her hairstyle and she announced she had just had her picture taken with two other CNA’s who had won the annual contest for Favorite CNA for their shift. She was smiling and animated so I asked her what would happen next and she explained that there would be a banquet next week for all the CNA’s and that she would attend a larger gathering at a sister nursing home. I congratulated her on her achievement and joined in the happiness that she was feeling. She moved on and I decided to do so as well.

I took the speaker, my purse and wet towel with me to Momma’s room to see if she was still awake. Her roommate was not in, so I turned down the tv and set up a chair next to Momma’s bed. I placed the speaker into the hand that I fished out from under the covers. I gathered up our favorite bed companions – the stuffed lion pillow, the purple twiddle classic, and her doll baby – and arranged them within reach of her functional hand. In the past, she has enjoyed feeling the vibrations coming from the speaker. I laid my hand upon hers. Eventually, she pulled her hand from under mine. She began to feel my fingers and press on my fingernails with hers. This was incredibly intimate and sweet as it felt like my Mother was interacting with me. She moved her hand onto the leg of her baby doll. So I slipped my hand and the speaker out and offered her some water, which she took a sip of through the straw. I moved to the other side of the bed to see if I could make eye contact. She was staring ahead, without even blinking.  I moved my head in the line of her vision and then I came into view.  She looked at me as I began to sing familiar hymns, starting with “Blessed Assurance”, “Amazing Grace”, “Shall We Gather at the River”, and was working on “In the Garden” when the roommate hurridly entered the room, announcing that she had to pee! Since the toilet is located directly across from Momma’s bed and the door cannot be closed with her wheelchair in there, I moved past her to give her some privacy and to divert the lady who was following close behind.

“Happy birthday to you,” I said to the wandering lady, seeing the balloons attached to her chair. I extended my hand, smiling and she looked at me while taking my hand and smiled back. “I haven’t been able to find a thing,” she declared backing up. Her blue eyes expressive, her purse hanging around her neck, her feet directing her movement. “Let’s see if there is anything down this way”, I suggested and she moved on down the hall in her usual way.

By now, Momma’s attention was on the twiddle classic, drawing the purple muff to her mouth. I adjusted the tv volume back up for the roommate and gathered up my things. I stopped by Jamie’s room to set her tv for the night and tuck her in. She smiled at me, crinkling her eyes in the late afternoon darkness.

As I walked down the hall, I said farewell to the staff at the nurses station.  I saw a lady who had just come from the beauty shop so I commented on how nice her hair looked. She said she had done it herself. I suggested she might be able to give me some helpful tips on how to take care of my own hair. She chuckled and tried to say some things about her son. When she admitted she was somewhat confused, I asked her if her son had long hair. No, it’s curly. I told her my son’s hair was curly too but that I also had a son with very long hair. She asked what I had to say about that. I told her nothing. I’d already said all there was to say about that. She smiled and I went on my way, saying hello to another one of the sweet residents, while approaching a new lady who was seated at the corner that I would be turning. She began to sing “we shall meet on that beautiful shore,” her eyes on mine, uncertain.   I exclaimed, “I was just singing that!” and joined her in the next refrain, then reached out for her hand which she took and we sang some more. Our eyes and spirits locked in our discovery. Feeling uplifted and connected to my new friend, I walked on down to the lobby where I met with more interaction and constructive responding. As I walked out to the car, I wondered, where else could I have such rich experiences all in one place?  “Active and Constructive Responding” is truly effective and makes a big difference. I happily drove home, with a sense of well being, buoyed by the hope that one day we will meet on that beautiful shore.

Cheryl Carmichael has written a comprehensive guide for caregivers, entitled “Dare to Care: Caring for our Elders”. From her experiences while working with the Area Agency on Aging in Phoenix, with the Texas Department of Aging and Disability Services, with the Arizona Department of Health Services, and as caregiver of several family members, she has covered all areas of concern to help keep loved ones living in their own homes as they age.

Written in a conversational manner, her insight for day-to-day activities for memory care loss are relevant, including the essential life story format. She suggests the life story be limited to one page and kept handy so caregivers can be familiar with the person, providing dignity and respect. Her list of meaningful activities for advanced dementia is spot on.

A clever bed bathing guideline is provided along with easy to understand definitions of every caregiving term or actions required for good care. Meal planning ideas, home safety tips, and organizing medical records are covered for individuals who may only require supervisory care to persons who need hands on end of life care.

Finally, she lays out the importance of preparing in advance essential estate planning requirements to carry out long-term care. Funeral planning is also covered in detail.

This guidebook is a practical tool for new or experienced non-professional caregivers. Kept handy for reference while wading through the unfamiliar details of care can provide clarity and instruction for necessary preparations still needed. “Dare to Care” is a good resource for caregiving support or a thoughtful gift for anyone brave enough to dare to care.

This book can be ordered in bulk from Cheryl@DaretoCareElders.com , online at amazon.com , or at your local bookstore. Also available as an e-book on Kindle.

Click on Validation Technique for a helpful article that offers understanding of the dementia patient that can make interacting with them easier and satisfying.

Caregiversunite.org has it’s own Facebook page.  Visit us on Facebook for an easy conversation and the latest news.

My family did a cell phone intervention with me two years ago. I had held on to my original cell phone plan for many years and resisted any changes.  So when they transferred my number to a smart phone and a new company, I knew I was beat. I tried to keep an open mind. According to my family, now I would be able to text with them and do all the other things they could do—whatever that was.

My family was right. Once I mastered texting and using the phone, I began to explore apps.  First I followed recommended apps from my husband and son but then began to branch out and find what interested me. Since I am a caregiver for my mom who has Alzheimer’s disease, I soon found that my cell phone was my constant companion and record keeper. For example, I store information I need for doctor visits under Notes, as well as document what we discussed at the appointment. I set up Reminders for myself such as pay the private duty sitter and other bills or get medication and supplies. I have a Pill Finder app that helps me identify pills I find on the floor that Momma didn’t take and threw away. I can look up medications and their side effects if she is having some unexplainable symptoms. When we do her laundry, I can set the Timer to alert us to when the washer and dryer cycle is finished.

My phone has replaced the camera I once carried around. Just like everyone else with a smart phone, I am constantly taking photos of all the people in my family’s life. Once Momma moved to assisted living, we used photographs to help us remember faces and names of all the people that helped care for her. We set up a poster-sized frame in her room with pictures of all the employees, their job titles, and names. To boost visibility, it hung on the wall just inside her door, which encouraged many impromptu visits and comments. I was surprised to find how willing doctors are to have their photo taken with their patients. These photos would come in handy when we were about to have an appointment with the doctor and I could show Momma who we were going in to see. The pictures serve as our memory, and we can look at them over and over again.

The phone is also a resource for activities. We enjoy listening to Pandora’s easy listening music while accomplishing activities like brushing her teeth, painting her nails, or playing cards. I attach speakers to the phone to provide vintage music while leading a group exercise class for the other residents, and I can take requests without any prior preparation. Sometimes I look up words to old songs we can sing together because we’ve forgotten some of the words. Poems and even nursery rhymes are just a touch away with Internet service as part of the phone plan.

One app allows me to scan important documents and even send them by email with FasterScan, which expedites duties like filling out paperwork for moving into skilled care. I no longer have to be home to receive phone calls, send emails, or handle bank business. I can manage these responsibilities and still be with my mom. I finally have learned to complete as much information as I have on a phone contact to save time for future communication. I can text messages with Momma’s private sitters and receive an immediate response when needed. For my peace of mind, they have sent me photos of Momma while she is in their care just to let me know what they are doing. When I’m with her, I can send a text and photo to one of my children and share a response on the spot.

Even though cell phones are relatively new, Momma has embraced the little rectangular box we carry around that emits music and provides amusement in so many ways. I usually hand it to her to hold when I am pushing her in the wheelchair when we have the music playing. Because of her failing eyesight, the bigger screen of a computer or iPad is a better choice if I want her to see specific pictures clearly. However, for daily use and ease of transporting, my cell phone is all we need.

Since I have become a caregiver, I enjoy reading anything to do with Alzheimer’s Disease especially personal stories from people who have walked the journey alongside their loved one. The theme of my last three books addresses the approach taken when dealing with a person with dementia and how to engage them in meaningful activities to maintain qualify of life and make life manageable for the caregiver.

Virginia Bell and David Troxel are in their fourth printing of “The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care”.   The Best Friends Approach is designed to create empathy from the carer point of view in order to understand how best to communicate with their loved one living with dementia.  They  have coined the term “knack” to refer in caregiving as a clever trick or stratagem or the ability and skill to do something easily.  Some individuals are simply born with knack; their personality and sensibility help them to be wonderful caregivers.  The Best Friends model can teach the abilities and skills of knack and along the way offer many clever tricks in the “dos and don’ts of Alzheimer’s care.  This is a worthwhile book and is only one of several written by these authors.

Hot off the press is Tom and Karen Brenner’s new book,” You Say Goodbye and We Say Hello: the Montessori Method for Positive Dementia Care”.   Incorporating songs from the Beatles as each chapter title, this easy read has a  clever appeal to the targeted baby boomers providing care.  Granted that dementia care is  an overwhelming task, they have broken down their personal experiences as a gerontologist and a Montessori teacher to  share their findings labeled “Guideposts” throughout their story.  They weave innovative and doable activities throughout the book and leave both professional and family caregivers with a renewed hope for creating a positive environment to deepen the connection with the people they love and care for.

Finally, having to wait longer than expected to receive this book in the mail, “Contented Dementia” traveled across the pond from England to find its way to me. Author  Oliver James lives in Oxfordshire and is trained as a clinical child psychologist and is a trustee of the Alzheimer’s charity, SPECAL.  An open letter from the inventor of the prescribed method in this book tells the reader if they have dementia and are reading the letter, not to worry about the future, appoint a person they trust as their advocate and have them read the book, then forget all about the diagnosis and get on with enjoying their life.  The rest of the book goes into great detail on how to use the person’s history to help create a life living in the present with memories from the past.  Penelope Garner developed the SPECAL Technique after caring for her own mother followed by years of observation and research with other clients. Get ready to do your homework as you read so that you will develop a customized world where your caree lives contently. For more information, go to Contented Dementia Trust.

All three of these books are similar.   Each stresses the importance of knowing the history, preferences and interests of someone with dementia and not to argue with but learn how to navigate away from unwanted negative behaviors associated with dementia.  Once these methods are perfected, consistency with all carers involved is required for optimum outcome.  All are worth reading.  We have a long way to go to get everyone on the same page with caregiving techniques.  May it begin with us – the ones who care the most.

If you provide care for a U.S. veteran, the following may be of some interest to you.  They may be eligible for financial assistance for home care through the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.   This program is only available to service members who qualify for a veteran’s pension from the government.

Your loved one may qualify for a program called Aid and Attendance, which offers a monetary benefit for assistance with activities of daily living.

All veterans are eligible for up to 30 days of respite care per calendar year.   On top of that, if your loved one was injured in the line of duty (“service-connected” veteran), they may qualify for additional services.

For specific eligibility requirements, visit. www.va.gov/geriatrics or call 800-827-1000.

This information is from the careADvantage magazine produced by Alzheimer’s Foundation of America.  For a free subscription, visit www.alzfdn.org or call toll-free 866-AFA-8484.

In a world of advanced directives, I have written a prayer to ask God to secure my longterm care.

Dear God,

If I enter the darkness that enveloped the women in my family before me, I pray for a good caregiver. I want someone to care for me as a friend, and is empathetic to my plight.  I want someone who will get to know my life history and cherish the time we spend together.

If I am lost to who I am, I want my “friend” to tell me a story about a little girl fondly called Buffer by her daddy and who always cared deeply for the needs of her family.  I want to hear about my special dog named Pittman that loved me so much.  I want to know about my two fine sons and my faithful and handsome husband.

And Lord, sometime we can just live in the moment, when we’ll spend a happy day accomplishing the menial chores that we must do.  Grocery shopping would be an exercise in stimulating my body and my senses starting with the pretty pastries in the bakery, then the feel of firm tomatoes in the produce section and take in the lovely sights of all the other garden varieties carefully displayed.  I’d want to grind some coffee beans just for the rich scent that emanates from the machine even though I don’t drink coffee.  I’d get to push my own grocery cart and have time to investigate something of interest that catches my eye.  I could hold on to my cart while bending down to peer into the big glass doors covering the freezer sections.  When it was time to check out, I would help lift the items from the buggy on to the conveyor belt, using my bent fingers in hopes of relief from their constant ache.

My companion would protect me from the questioning eyes of those who didn’t know what a special person I am.  She would lovingly put her arm around me and tell me how much she loved me when I tried to go where I shouldn’t.  She’d draw my attention to something I couldn’t resist and I’d desire to follow her lead.  We’d move on toward the unknown together and I‘d be happy to be with someone who knew what to do.

Lord, you remember the women who cared for my mother.  Some would know just how to enter her world and go along with her as they reached their daily goals of care.  Others just did the minimum of effort and sat quietly, lost in the crossword puzzle or handheld device brought along to help pass the hours of sitting, taking the term private duty sitter literally, as they added up their weekly paycheck.

My dear grandmother never forgot who I was, even when she was confined to her bed under the watchful eyes of three shifts of women, round the clock for several years.  We had spent so much time together in her later years, that the sound of my voice and the touch of my hand on her arm brought my name to her lips. She said it as if it represented all the life and love we had shared together.  Dear God, that’s the kind of care I want to receive.   Someone who will see me how I looked in the photograph taken when I was a young, beautiful woman, full of promise, fresh and unblemished.  Not like the wrinkled, worn, volatile creature that I now may appear to be.

I want someone who wants to be with me and thinks of things we can do together that will cause us to laugh and smile. She will show me, tell me, and sing with me.  She will pray for me, include me and hold my hand. She’ll read aloud short stories and bible verses that may still be hidden in the depths of my heart.  I want to recognize something and sing that song buried beneath the noise and confusion that predominates my consciousness.

She’ll look into my eyes and try to see what I see.  Even if my words are few or gone altogether, I’ll still be here, listening for a friendly voice, one that is full of love and compassion. She’ll give me time to respond to her efforts and I’ll try to find my way to the surface.  She knows that I might be getting lost along the way, and it may take me a while to begin to understand what is happening.  She’ll know that I do best when things are done consistently; she’ll keep her sentences short so I can comprehend and she’ll give me one command at a time.  I’ll want her to stay with me.  She won’t leave because I’m here and I don’t know what to do.  She’ll know whatever she does for me, she does for you.  She’ll know you are with me and trusts you.

Please Lord, hear my prayer.  If I begin to wander away from who I was, please seek me out, and rescue me back into the flock as you have done before.  Send a faithful servant in the form of a caregiver to keep me safe until I am in your arms forever.

AMEN

“Even to your old age and gray hair, I am he.  I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you.  I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” (Isaiah 46:4 NIV).

Via has an enduring reputation for providing vital support services to residents in the Mobile Area. GrandFriends, an adult day services program, is one of the most valuable benefits offered.

GrandFriends combines structured, supervised activities with a safe, affordable and comfortable environment for elderly adults with dementia or special physical needs. The program is available 7:00 a.m. – 5:30 p.m., Monday through Friday, excluding holidays. Program members can participate one day a week or up to five days. Program members routinely participate in socialization, recreation and exercise activities that are focused on maintaining independence, dignity and life enjoyment within the scope of their individual abilities. Breakfast, a hot lunch and an afternoon snack are provided daily.

The GrandFriends staff consists of Certified Nursing Assistants, a Certified Therapeutic Recreation Specialist, fitness trainers, and trained companions and volunteers. They are all dedicated to helping families who are confronted with the challenges of Alzheimer’s disease and other age-related issues. The program is dedicated to providing care-givers with much needed respite. Family members and friends are able to continue their daily routines knowing that their loved one is in a caring environment that fosters safety and activity.

All individuals must complete a screening and assessment to ensure eligibility.  Contact Via at 251-478-3311 or go to www.viamobile.org for more information.