The reminders come at the most unexpected time. Today, it was in the greeting card aisle. Looking for a birthday card for my mother-in-law drew my eye to several cards that were for “Mama”. The perfect card for my own, now deceased, Mama.
I’d never seen a card just for “Mama” before. I would have bought that for her. Along with the liquid soap, lotion, and pudding snacks. Another reminder of how my life has changed since she’s been gone. I didn’t expect to miss her so much. Caring for her brought purpose, a mission to pursue, and love to give. Now, I think fondly of when we would go for a drive together, easy listening music playing, seeing the multicolored leaves on a sunny, fall day – just the two of us, safe and at peace, in the moment. The daily tasks that we accomplished together, navigating life in assisted living, memory care, and ultimately, skilled care instilled a partnership and bond I never anticipated. We met so many new people and made situational friends because of Alzheimer’s disease. I would not have missed those days for anything. And now that they are gone, I miss the sense of meaning in my life that I felt, at her side.
So much learned, accomplished, endured, and required. It’s like that feeling you have after you have finished a really good book. You hate to close the book, knowing that it’s over. You may even read everything on the cover, inspect the author’s bio, and hope there is a photo. But you know it’s finished. So you savor the moment you spent with the characters and the feelings you shared and are thankful for the author’s inspiration. Reluctantly, you have to move on. And then, you hope for another really good book to come along.
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