{"id":2144,"date":"2016-11-09T11:58:33","date_gmt":"2016-11-09T17:58:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/?p=2144"},"modified":"2016-11-09T11:58:33","modified_gmt":"2016-11-09T17:58:33","slug":"stage-3-the-entrenched-caregiver-by-caregiving-com","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/?p=2144","title":{"rendered":"Stage 3: The Entrenched Caregiver (by caregiving.com)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I Am Helping<\/h1>\n<\/header>\n
\n

\"\"<\/a>Stage 3: The Entrenched Caregiver\u2122<\/h3>\n

I am helping a family member or friend.<\/p>\n

Who are you?
\nYour involvement with your caree is almost daily\u2013if not constant. Your caree may live with you\u2013or your involvement means that your day is structured to be available to your caree. You begin to wonder, how much longer can you live this way? Your mood is sometimes upbeat\u2013you\u2019re proud you\u2019ve been able to provide such wonderful care and make decisions that support your caree\u2019s best wishes\u2013and sometimes melancholy\u2013why you? You\u2019ve been mourning the loss of your caree\u2019s abilities and functions and often long for the days before caregiving. And, you\u2019re tired.<\/p>\n

Your Keyword: Receive
\n\u2013Receive help\u2013from anyone who offers;
\n\u2013Receive breaks from caregiving;
\n\u2013Receive support.<\/p>\n

Your Challenge
\nTo find the support and strength to continue.<\/p>\n

Your Purpose
\nTo develop a routine, create a familiar schedule for both yourself and your caree. A routine will help you deal with the overwhelming stresses and responsibilities that wear you out. A routine will provide comfort for you and your caree\u2013this stage may be the most difficult for both of you. The changes you prepared for in Stage I and II are now a reality\u2013you have become something of a lifeline to a family member or friend.<\/p>\n

In addition to your caree\u2019s routine of care, create a routine for yourself. In your routine include: Time for the unexpected; a ritual which begins and ends your day; and a \u201chealthness\u201d activity that nurtures your spiritual, emotional, physical, mental needs.<\/p>\n

As an \u201centrenched caregiver,\u201d what can you do?
\n1. Determine your limits in your day and in your role.
\nHow long can your caree remain at home? What\u2019s your comfort level in providing care in your home? For instance, some family caregivers feel uncomfortable providing care when their caree becomes incontinent. Others determine they can provide care at home as long as insurance or Medicare benefits offset some of the home care expenses. Others feel they can provide care as long as their other family members, like spouses and adult children, will put up with it.<\/p>\n

Just as important as understanding your limits in your role is recognizing your limits during your day. Consider:<\/p>\n

\u2013Which tasks and responsibilities feel like a struggle?
\n\u2013What times during the day do you feel the greatest amount of stress?
\n\u2013When do you find yourself running late, losing your temper, scrambling for a solution?
\n\u2013What do you find yourself dreading or hating?
\n\u2013When do you find yourself in a tug-of-war with your caree?
\n\u2013What times of the day are tough for your caree?
\n\u2013When during the day does your worry about your caree intensify?<\/p>\n

When you understand your limits, you can look for help to manage what\u2019s beyond your limits. Understanding your limits will ensure you, your caree and your family will stay in a safe place.<\/p>\n

Everyone has limits. What are yours?<\/p>\n

2. What are your caree\u2019s limits?
\nUnderstanding your caree\u2019s limits will help schedule your day and organize your help. Limits will change regularly, so be aware of change in tolerance and fatigue. Not sure how much help to schedule? Add more than you think. You can never have too much.<\/p>\n

3. Continue regular breaks.
\nConsider annual weekly breaks\u2013investigate short-term respite stays in your community\u2019s nursing homes. Or, ask relatives to take over the caregiving role for a week or two every year or every two years. Continue to take daily, weekly and monthly breaks. Keep up with your own interests and hobbies as best you can. Take time to enjoy the paradise you built in Stage II.<\/p>\n

4. Use your Solutions Fund.
\nMake deposits and take withdrawals, using the money for boredom, breaks and back-up plans.<\/p>\n

5. Keep up with a support system\u2013a caregiver\u2019s support group or empathetic and understand family members or friends.<\/p>\n

6. Continue to learn about your caree\u2019s illness or condition.
\nWhat\u2019s next for your caree? Are you up to the next steps in his or her illness?<\/p>\n

7. Increase help as your caree declines.
\nBecome comfortable with adding more help as more help is needed. You may think, \u201cI\u2019m okay keeping the level of help as it is.\u201d Unfortunately, keeping the level where your caree was rather than where he or she is will hurt both of you. Note the struggles in the day, then work to add help for you and your caree to manage the struggles.<\/p>\n

8. Manage the budget as much as you manage the care.
\nAs care needs increase, so does the budget. When you caree has funds to pay for about 18 months in a nursing home, then take note of the situation. This is the time to consider nursing home placement, when your caree\u2019s funds will afford the best choices. Hold a family meeting, tour local facilities, consult with professionals, such as a geriatric care manager. You may decide this isn\u2019t the time to decide. That\u2019s okay. It\u2019s important to be aware that sometimes the budget determines the decision on where a caree continues to receive care. It\u2019s most important to be aware of your choices and to make the one that\u2019s right for you and your caree.<\/p>\n

If you care for your spouse and consider nursing home placement, know that a certain amount of your assets will be protected and that you will not have to deplete all your assets to pay for your spouse\u2019s care in a nursing home. Visit\u00a0Medicaid.gov<\/a>\u00a0to learn more.<\/p>\n

9. Continue writing in both journals\u2014yours and the other about your caree.<\/p>\n

10. Forgive yourself for your bad moments and bad days.
\nThey will happen. After they do, give yourself a clean slate to start over.<\/p>\n

11. Set boundaries which protect: Your Time; Your Values; Your Well-being, Your Priorities; Your Self.
\nExamples of communicating boundaries include:<\/p>\n

\u2013\u201cI\u2019m taking a two-hour break after lunch. I have everything that you\u2019ll need set up in the living room. Thank you so much for helping me enjoy this time. I\u2019m so grateful for your support.\u201d
\n\u2013\u201cI\u2019m uncomfortable with the tone of our discussion. Let\u2019s table our talk until tomorrow.\u201d
\n\u2013\u201cI\u2019m booked, so can\u2019t handle that request. Thank you for thinking of me.\u201d<\/p>\n

12. Give you and your caree room for your difficult moments and bad days.
\nWhen you\u2019re having a tough time, simply say: \u201cI\u2019m having a bad day. I\u2019m taking a few minutes for myself.\u201d When it\u2019s your caree\u2019s turn, say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry you\u2019re having a bad day. I\u2019m going to step away for a few moments.\u201d<\/p>\n

13. An apple a day\u2026
\nWhat\u2019s your apple in this stage? You may feel tempted to sacrifice your apple in this stage. Your apple can\u2019t be sacrificed. Your apple is what makes you feel normal, like yourself. Keep it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I Am Helping Stage 3: The Entrenched Caregiver\u2122 I am helping a family member or friend. Who are you? Your involvement with your caree is almost daily\u2013if not constant. Your caree may live with you\u2013or your involvement means that your day is structured to be available to your caree. You […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8,9],"tags":[443,441],"class_list":["post-2144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-education","category-favorite-links","tag-caregiving-com","tag-the-six-stages-of-caregiving"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4cxZR-yA","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2144"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2144\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2154,"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2144\/revisions\/2154"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.caregiversunite.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}